argh

why is it I only blog when i'm down?
well I have a job interview tomorrow, I'm nervous.

I also feel vulnerable. I feel like friends dont want tot be anymore. certain people don't want to make time for me, even for an email, and it hurts my feelings. Sometimes I'd love to just cut off the feelings.

things at home arent great. My mom lost almost ALL her 401k. We could lose our house. I'm surprised it hasn't happened yet. the market sucks. everything sucks. I need goodness in my life, more goodness.