mad

I'm mad at Alexia... she made me feel bad and guilty for saying I was going to NY with Seth tonight and not to her moms bbq. Made me feel really bad, so I canceled with Seth and told her I was going to her bbq. Well she was at work so she didn't get the txt till 3 when she was on break. Told me that I cant come unless I bring her mike's hard that she left her, replied that Raffi drank it all and she said well then forget it with an "LOL"

I had no idea if she was joking or not so i called her at work and asked her if she was kidding. her response: i'm busy. I know shes at work, but she could have said, "I was just kidding ani" but no. so now I'm waiting for it to be 6 (when she gets out) Seth was getting on a train at 6 so if she called me and told me she really didn't want me to come i was gonna go to NY.
What does she tell me when she called at 615? Oh no, I was just kidding. you don't have to come and made all sorts of excuses for me. If I didn't want to come I wouldn't have asked her if she wanted me there.

I was so angry I was about to start crying so I told her fine I'd call her if I decided to come and I hung up and turned off my phone.
Just thinking about it again now is bringing tears to my eyes (maybe I'm having an emotional day - no I'm not ab out to get my period)

So what did I do? what am I doin' tonight?
Sitting at home in comfy clothes surfing the web and watching comedy central
I have one month left in this stupid state and I want to spend it having fun with my friends I won't see for a year and I'm spending tonight mad at one friend wishing I was out with the other.
I was too mad to get ready quick and run to the train station and too mad to talk with Lex and too mad to go to her house.
Sometimes I hate how emotional I get.

I think I've been extra emotional lately, maybe because I'm leaving soon.
It's scary, leaving all my friends and starting from SCRATCH.
Not that anyone realizes it. They're worried about how they'll miss me. Or they don't think about me at all.

Jo Ann wants to hang out before I leave. I don't know why she cant understand that I dont want to be her friend anymore! Why is it so hard to understand? I DONT LIKE YOU! You're not as good a person as you think you are! we're going to hang out and do what? All she does is gossip and talk about people that I don't care about!

Anyway. I'm tired. I want to staff my face and die and sleep and GGGRRRrrrrrr
I actually wouldn't mind just crying my eyes out too...
I'm so lonely.