ugh

So apparently, I'm not allowed to be depressed. If I am, It's my fault. or something.

"you were depressed? well you weren't when I saw you, now all of a sudden you are?"

yea. words of someone who doesn't understand. It's so frustrating. Sometimes I don't want to share feelings with people because I know how they will dismiss my feelings and say "snap out of it" or the like.

I'm sick of that shit.
I know no one actually reads this.
I know no one cares.

Depression exists. I almost wish my friends who say its stupid of doesn't exist to GET depression. real depression. Wish them to feel what its like to be miserable one minute and great the next. happy one day and suicidal the next.

I was having a good time at Happy hour last night. Until Alexia got there. Then all of a sudden when I went over to talk to her and Alem, they ignored me and my trials. I spent the rest of the night near tears. Then they asked if I wanted to go get food with them, we all realized there was some sort of misunderstanding. Unfortunately, once we left the bar, I felt like i was invisible. I might have well as not been there. Her brother and marvin were the only ones talkin to me.
How depressing.

I felt so out of place there. With them. I felt disposable.