Saturday, May 30, 2009


Somethings wrong.
I woke up yesterday and didn't think anything of it. But on my drive into work EVERY driver pissed me off, EVERY turn there was an annoyance, EVERY thing I saw made me want to scream!
I knew something was wrong because as much as I hate to drive, I'm rarely in a mood like that.

All day I was miserable... all day!
When I got into work, Bill asked me how I was and asked if I was grumpy, I figured that described me well enough enough so I agreed... His response? He came over to my cube and gave me a private showing of the Friday Dance! It was awesome.

But it didn't last. I came back from lunch - which I spent trying to nap in the health room, which didn't work at ALL - still grumpy. and by 4 p.m. I couldn't stop crying. I went to the bathroom and the health room trying to hide. Which didn't help when Melissa was in my cube trying to figure out why I was so quiet. I was depressed, sad and was being quiet because I was tired of all the comments they make when I add my 2 cents to things.

I need to get off my ass and find a therapist. I thought I could 'do it alone' but it's just NOT working. It probably didn't help that A lot of things have been going wrong, people canceling plans, people not being as nice as normal. ugh... BLAH!

GAH! I need to snap out of it... but anyone that has ever battled with depression knows that you cant just "snap out f it" when you're depressed. This morning I'm okay, not so depressed. but once I start my day it will eventually hit me. I just need to keep busy. I'm going to eat some grub then head to the gym... that should help!


  1. Hey Ani,
    I know exactly how you feel and I can relate to what you go through. What I remember about you at Southern is your positive energy you brought to a crowd and the range of people you were with.I didn't get to know you on a close basis but I surely remember your personality. I had some of my family in town over the weekend and my great aunt from Georgia was telling me, sometimes it is great to let out a huge cry when you are in a room to cleanse yourself religously or for your meditation.However, you don't let anyone see you cry.

    I hold in alot of stuff (which can serve good or bad depending on circumstances)and I observe people's behavior daily and it bothers me too.People more so now are acting silly. It's like people get mad and lash out from somebody giving them a wrong look or answer they don't like hearing.O_O

    I think you are fine the way you are and sometimes people don'tlike hearing the truth or honest opinions, so they take it out on the wrong people.I've been through it many times and I have seeked therapy and still keep in touch. Having a counselor helped me because I held in so much. I stay in touch with long distanced friends and mentors on occasion but most of the time I try to enjoy what I love doing which is doodling in a sketch pad or watching some of these crazy reality tv shows like Bridezillas or Wipe Swap.I wish I could make baked goods like you. I use to knit and crochet back in the day too but grew out of it.

    The gym is a fun place too since that was a cleanse to my soul both mentally and physically. What I am trying to say is you are great and you can still have fun no matter how old you get.

  2. Awe, Thanks Tiff... you're sweet... and you're right, I just need to get off my ass and find a counselor because I know I need one. I have no problem admitting therapy helps. You should come to my Saturday Stitch & Bitch, its in Fairfield on black rock tpke.. I haven't been in a while, but I haven't to go again soon..