Sunday, May 3, 2009


I just wanted to enjoy my breakfast. But no. My dad had other plans. He asked if my grandma was going to our cousins with us, and when I said no he said okay! So I'll go! All excited, which of course I rolled my eyes at. Then he starts talking about how she attacked him and yadda yadda. I'm like, Dad, I don't care, I don't want to hear it!

Why don't I want to hear it?

Because this isn't the first time! I know his story. I also know that my grandma complains about everyone, most of all my dad. I love the woman. I LOVE her. She's my grandma. But she's crazy and she talks too much. Crazy old women need to be ignored.

He tells me I have to hear it. I said no. He made some comment about me not knowing because I dont stand up for him. WTF?!

I don't stand up for him?!?! I am always standing up for him and telling her to stop. He just doesn't hear it. I SO sick and TIRED of him playing the martyr.

Does he get belittled? Yes, from time to time. But he's my father and I ALWAYS stand up for him.

Maybe he should move back to lebanon and be with his brother. He's the only person that my father seems to care about and listen to. Whatever. I'm sick of it. I'm always having to defend myself.

I was angry. I swore at him. He yelled back. I left my farina dish and pounded my way to my room.

I layed face down on my bed listening to Papa Roach's "Broken Home" - Its a song i've always listened to when I'm depressed. As the song switched to "Last Resort" I realized I'm just feeding into my depression. But I don't know what to do? I miss Elaine. I should go back to school just so I could see her. Anyway, I digress.

I did something I never did before. I picked myself up, walked over to me night stand and pulled out my bible and my book of Narek. I looked up prayers for Depression, Anger, Loneliness and discouragement in the bible and prayers of Comfort in the Narek. I read them out loud to myself. Lo and behold, I felt better. I'm still upset about the situation, but I feel better. I feel like I'm not going to let myself fall into my normal depressed state which could last for days. That's progress for someone like me.

Maybe my medication needs to self medication. I should read these prayers and bible verses more often.

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