Wednesday, May 28, 2008

What is wrong with me?

I'm not sure why I care. Probably because she was such a big part of my life for so long, but I am so frustrated with my situation with Kelli. I was just looking at a friends picture on myspace and she popped up. Not literally, duh, but a picture of her. Seeing it made me sick to my stomach. She appologized and I said forgiven. Why can't that mean that we're good? I do not, by any means, want to go back to they way things were, but it is so hard for me to give up friendships. Especially ones that meant so much to me.

She said I was obsessed with her (modest girl, eh?) and now writing this I feel as thought it could sound obsessed. But she was my BFF for a good while. She was my "person" as they would say on Grey's and to loose her so fast and for no good reason is nuts. When I lost Jo Ann it meant nothing because it happened over time. I slowly cared less about our friendship because she treated me so poorly, that I barely noticed when I stopped calling her. One could say shes obsessed with me now!

Right now I miss Elaine. I need her to tell me what to do and how to feel and how to fix it. I know I don't need her in the way I did before, but, like Mags said yesterday, its nice to have a safety blanket. I wish I could care less, and yes I know that would make me not me, but sometimes it is so hard caring so much about people.

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