Tuesday, December 9, 2008


There's something that lays heavy on my mind that I never talk about.  Something that I think I've only told one person, maybe two. Something that no matter what I cant seem to get past.

I always used to wish my family was more affectionate.  I am a big fan affection and am affectionate so I craved it.  I never got it. Not really.  Until a few years ago.  I think it started when I moved out.

Now my parents actually say I love you (sometimes) and they are loving at times (when they aren't fighting and screaming) and it makes me so uncomfortable.  How do you just all of  sudden become okay with it.  I was used to not hugging my parents, used to not hearing "I love you" from them... No they say and do these things and it weirds me out.  Twenty five years without it, and 2 ears with it, is not really been long enough to get used to it.  I'm confused and unsure of myself and how to deal with it. I'm unsure of how to deal with t and move on.  I don't know if I can.

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